Our Member
Username: KissTheCook
Age: 30
Occupation: Strategy Analyst
Attractive Archetype: “Successful & Established”
The Lady
Username: GeorgiaPeaches
Age: 23
Occupation: Grad Student
Personality: “Cat & Book”, “Family First”, “Sweetheart”
Turn 1
The best opening lines for online dating come from your gut. This girl had a picture with an adorable little puppy. Any woman who includes a picture with a cute animal is easy to send a first message to. Here was my opening gambit:
“If you & the dog come together as a package, this might be the best 2 for 1 deal going on okcupid…”
“Haha, well I hate to burst your bubble, but that sweet pup actually belongs to a friend of mine. I’ve never owned a dog and feel horribly deprived because of it.”
She’s responded with a great opportunity to tease her. Who in the world has never owned a dog?
Turn 2
She has a good girl next door type of profile, so rather than give her too hard a time, I decide to follow up with a little jealously plot line, to add some drama to the conversation;
“Well in that case, it’s a good thing you’re also cute. I’d hate to go on a date with your friend, only to use her for such an awesome dog photo op..”
When delivering a compliment on a more casual dating site like okcupid, it’s important not to go too far with the compliments. “cute” is about as far as you want to go. If you’re venturing into “beautiful” or “hot” territory, you risk coming across thirsty.
“Ha, good luck working that out with her fiance’! But thank you for the compliment, nice to know the dog isn’t the only interesting thing in my profile!”
On the second half of her response, she’s showed me a card; “nice to know” means that my signal of interest has been accepted. As such, I’m off to an excellent start.
Turn 3
“It’s a tough job, but someone has to show you midwest farmers daughters how we do real bbq down here. Although I’m afraid I don’t have an accent to match my culinary wizardry..”
I change topics here, reading in her profile that she loves bbq. It’s a comfort food, so I figure it’s as good a topic as any for comfort building. It also helps that our Member happens to love cooking. I tack on a little self depreciating humor at the end, because her receptiveness means that I can afford to use it.
“Well, how do you do bbq then? I guess I haven’t really had any bbq here in Georgia now come to think of it. You’re quite the cook aren’t you?
Haha, I don’t have much of an accent either… I do say y’all but an accent only really comes out when I’m around my friends that do have one (like it did this weekend).”
She’s sending longer replies, and following my lead; more indicators of interest.
Turn 4
“That’s not a problem. Your darkest accent secrets are safe with me. But if you keep talking food, we might have to make this fantasy a reality.
Where are my manners. Afraid I didn’t catch your name…
John”
I almost forget to name exchange. An important step for all online dating interactions.
“It’s Georgia, ha. It’s nice to meet you, John.
How’s your Monday been so far?”
She forces a laugh. Another good signal of receptiveness. Even better, she’s making an effort by creating small talk.
Turn 5
With so many strong signals of interest, it’s time to pitch her the in-person get together.
“Charming to meet you Georgia. Despite it being a Monday, I’m enjoying it. Chatting with a friendly brunette certainly helps.
Maybe you & I should try a chat like real people. Say over a coffee/cocktail. Call me old fashioned…”
I go through the “nice to meet you” formalities, and address her attempt at small talk. While a nice gesture on her part, it would be a step backwards to continue with her proposed topic, so I quickly refocus back to the business at hand. After all, our guy is more interested in meeting up, than trite conversation.
“I appreciate your interest in meeting in person. It leads me to believe that you’re most likely not a 50-year-old, overweight male. But of course I still hear from that guy every once in a while.
Drinks would be nice. I don’t drink coffee (shocking, I know)”
Interesting to learn that her main concern is getting catfished. She’s made a joke out of it, but this sort of joke is a subliminal request to set her mind at ease.
Turn 6
“I know what you mean Georgia. I’ve lost at least 20 pounds since then. Down to a svelt 375 these days, so you’re in luck 😉
Seriously though. We should make it happen. What’s your number”
The best way to disarm a girls concerns about meeting up in person, is with a very specific type of humor; agree & amplify. I also call her by her name again, which is a good idea to do as much as possible to make a girl online feel more comfortable.
After overcoming her concern, it’s simply a matter of asking for her phone number.
Notice the lack of a question mark at the end. There’s some debate as to if it’s better for men to avoid using question marks altogether when texting, as the girl will hear your voice pitch up when she reads it.
“555-212-4321”
Game. Set. Match.
Matthew Valentines
An attraction technologist at heart, he travels the world in search of beautiful women, new ways to help men with their online dating, and the perfect single malt whiskey.
His column runs Tuesdays.
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