So you’ve been sending messages on Okcupid, Tinder, and Match.com. You’re ready to learn how to meet women online in person…but what’s your pitch?
When making your in-person pitch, mind your vernacular. The word “date” has built in expectations that men & women get hung up on. A date implies courtship.
Traditional matchmakers entice attractive women to join their service with the lure of generous men providing fancy dinner dates, and ticketed events. That’s a sucker move. A true ladies man wins hearts not by spending, but by being the prize himself. So, suggesting a “date” is out.
On the other side of the coin, “hanging out” is too casual. A “hang out” pitch will put you one foot in the friend zone with a younger women, and an older women won’t take you seriously.
The perfect sweet spot then, between casual and formal, is to suggest a “get together”. ie;
“Hey, I like that you’re ____. Maybe you & I should get together for a coffee/cocktail.”
Throwing in “maybe” when making your pitch is a great way to flirt, while still being a challenge to her. It communicates that you’re interested, but not yet completely sold.
Giving her the 2 option “coffee OR cocktail” is a terrific hedge, as some women have a strong preference when it comes to day vs night dates.
Her Hood, or Yours?
Where she agrees to meet you offline, is an indicator of the kind of relationship dynamic you will have together moving forward.
Women who are more assertive or entitled, may insist that you commute out to her neck of the woods for the first meet up. If challenged, she might qualify the plan by saying that having the first meet on her turf is the “gentlemanly” thing to do.
Don’t fall for it. It’s more convenient for her, sure. But in this case, giving her what she wants is the wrong move. While it might win you “gentleman points” (which are not redeemable for intimacy), you will loose points in just about every other department. Don’t allow her to draw up the terms & conditions of your first meet without calling her out (in a playful way, of course).
Here’s 3 reasons why the first meet should always be on your terms:
1. She wants you to lead her
Women hate to plan a date with a guy. She might ask for a meet in the middle, but deep down she really wants you to create an experience, and lead her through it.
2. It triggers self rationalization
Once she’s driving or commuting out to you, she’ll be asking herself, “why am I going out of my way to meet this guy?”. Naturally, she’s going to rationalize that she’s doing it because she felt compelled to, so there must have been something special. You must be worth it. If not, you need to go back to the drawing board, and build more intrigue over the phone or text.
3. You can execute the date more smoothly
Start with a coffee or tea at the cafe, followed by a nice stroll through the park, followed by a cozy massage under a shady tree. From there, it should be an easy walk or short drive back to your place. You aren’t necessarily going to know what to do with her in a different neighborhood, or where to bounce her to next if things are going well.
How to Meet Women Offline – Dating Spots
So now that we’ve established why the first meet should be on your terms, let’s talk date locations:
1. Coffee or Tea
It’s cheap, public, and lets the two of you know if you like each other. You can keep it going for hours if you’re hitting it off well, or cut it short easily after 1 cup if you’re not feeling the vibe.
2. A Nice Stroll Along the Park or Beach
Gentlemen, don’t make offline dating more complicated than need be. A park has everything you need to get to know each other in an attractive setting. If there’s chemistry, its easy to bounce to a more secluded spot afterwards.
3. The Lounge
Between all the nightlife options, a chill lounge is always your best bet for a first offline meet during a weeknight. They have nice mood lighting, lower volume which makes it easier for you to get to know each other, and have less social distractions than a party. Clubs are too loud, and pubs aren’t sexy.
Work With an Expert Who Knows How to Meet Women Online
Converting online dating effort into dates takes time & skill. If you need tactical advice for a specific situation, a Personal Dating Assistant can provide expert phone coaching on how to meet women online, as part of a full service online dating solution. Click here to learn more.
An attraction technologist at heart, he travels the world in search of beautiful women, new ways to help men with their online dating, and the perfect single malt whiskey.
His column runs Tuesdays.
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